This morning, as I munched on my trusty Vegemite toast and flipped through the newspaper, a headline nearly made me drop my cuppa:
“Too hot for Santa as Lapland buckles under record heatwave!”

Well crikey, I thought, if that’s not a sign to write you a letter, I don’t know what is.

You see, I’m no stranger to Lapland. In fact, I’ve been there many times — I was born in Finland, after all!

I’ve even popped by Rovaniemi to say a “G’day” to you in person. I know all about your little tontut helpers, your reindeer, and the cosy charm of Finnish Christmases.

And I must confess — I’m one of those people who gets a little giddy even when the word ‘Christmas’ is just mentioned.

But these days, I live far, far away — all the way in Melbourne, Australia.

And yes, every Christmas Day, like clockwork, you still make your epic journey Down Under, sleighing through our summer skies.

I really do appreciate that — it can’t be easy making the rounds in the middle of an Aussie summer.

But Santa, let’s talk about your current dilemma. Lapland is melting? Your snow boots are too hot? The reindeer are sunbathing? Well, I may just have the perfect solution…

Come to Melbourne for your holidays!

Yes, really! It’s midwinter here, just the way you like it — crisp air, cosy scarves, and mugs of hot chocolate.

And the best part? We Aussies like to celebrate Christmas in July. That’s right — two Christmases a year. Why have one when you can have double the tinsel, twice the pudding, and an extra excuse to sing “Jingle Bells”?

You could pop on your boardies, swap the sleigh for a surfboard, and kick back Aussie-style.

We’ll teach you how to cool off — beach walks, barefoot cricket, and maybe a cheeky nap under a gum tree. The kookaburras will keep watch.

So what do you say, Santa? Trade the heatwave for a holiday. Bring Mrs Claus, the reindeer, even the tontut.

We’ll put on a spread — pavlova included — and raise a glass of bubbly to you.

With love, sparkle, and sunscreen!